I like the sentiment of the poem, but I feel it suffers stylistically on multiple levels.

I think that the last two lines are should have been the most powerful lines meaningwise, but the last stanza shows several errors in early modern English that kill it for me. In the first line, "end" rather than "endeth" should be used (-eth is used for third person singular), and that the "thee who dares" should be replaced by thou or ye (depending on the tense). I think "ye who dare/to mock the hymns" would be best, although back in the day they might have said "thou who durst/mock the hymns." I understand it's complicated, but to me errors in this regard make the poem feel uncomfortably antiquated.

The other thing that bothered me was the use of "atone" in the poem. It's easy to simply throw around religious language to create the effect, but for the reader using the wrong word could be critical, and this is one of those instances. To atone for something means to make amends or reparation for something. In the Bible, they talk about making atonement for sins through sacrifices, and it refers to the making right of some wrong through some action.

Now let me strip down the meaning of that first line: "I atone for the gifts the Almighty has forged and blessed me to compose this poem." It seems very odd that one would atone for something that seems so good. Perhaps, then, it's an ironic statement about the poet's unworthiness, but the diction is simply not subtle enough to support this assertion, even if it was the poet's intent. The wording here needs to be tightened up if the poem is to start right.

An oral reading of the poem sounded better than it looked on paper except for the last two lines. Before those lines, you featured several strong endrhymes, setting up for an ultimate one, but when I read "dares" and then "fear," the whole thing fell on its head. It sounds very awkward, that conflict between the longish "air" and the shortish "ear". There are times when you can get away with such a thing for effect, but this is not one of them.

I can appreciate the vision of the poem and how it explores the inspiration and vision of the poet, and the spiritual power he wields, but ultimately the execution I feel is too clumsy. In terms of the four poetic elements—form, diction, prosody, and meaning—the whole piece could use a shoring up.