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Laeneris commission - Caged Heart lost in shadows

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So finally, its here! ^^;

I really want to apologize to Laeneris for taking so long as I did... its practically... (checks date) nearing two months now!!! (awkward grin)

So, anyway, about this poem... See... the commission itself had to go through a lot of transformations.

For a start, it was exam season and uni was being a bitch, so that kept me in a turbulent state. Hence, I had time for reading, so... I did just that... read... what is a caged heart, so to speak...

The original idea was to write a poem based in the medieval ages, but I lost the whole... sphere of influence needed to write something like that. I was able to write a villanelle, but that's about it - couldn't find either the experience itself, or the emotive link with it. Hence I shelved the idea so far as this commission was concerned.

I first wrote "The Blues Man's Gift", and THEN wrote the first poem "To the Caged Heart, Lost in the Shadows"... once the two were written, Afterthought simply popped in anyway...

By the way, The Blues Man's Gift and Afterthought are invented forms, while To the Caged Heart, Lost in the Shadows is a traditional fixed form of French origins called a Quatern.

If you like the poem "The Blues Man's Gift" don't forget to listen to Living in the House of Blues.
Comments4
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Laeneris's avatar
Wow, 2 months already? It didn't feel like that at all, and don't worry - I don't mind. :D

I find it hard enough to leave comments on poems as is, and even harder when I remember what this one means to you, so forgive me if I don't go in-depth (I would have no useful advice for you either way). ^^;

The first poem is closer to my heart (get it? hurhurr), so I like that one just a bit more, but that doesn't mean I don't like the rest almost as much! I'm definitely getting the 'caged' vibe from the first (part of the) poem. I imagined someone sitting in a transparant cage while the entire world around them consists of grey and black... and they're watching a television screen with that one person on it. They can't speak to them, or reach out, they're just... there. Locked up, as well as their feelings since there's no use for them. That's what it made me think about.

The third stanza stood out to me in that it flowed from the tongue a little less easily than the others, especially the fourth line, though that could also just be me. Besides, I don't think I am allowed to complain! :lol:

As I've already mentioned to you earlier, the interlude was a nice touch especially because I'm imagining a comically adorable old man saying all that. :)

I love your invented form for the Blues Man's Gift. The somewhat but not entirely same repetition of a line works really well, especially if you imagine someone actually singing it. My absolute favorite lines were

When madness fades from life's sad bay / I can't leave, friend - don't have the fare

I can't even explain why, but it's just so profound. Makes me feel like I've lost something important, but that the whole experience is blunted (maybe in denial).

I feel that the 'true meaning' has gone over my head, but I love it nonetheless. I hope you'll fill me in on the meanings you haven't already told me. I'm sorry that my comment can't do it justice. :forgiveme: I'm excited to read your medieval themed poem if you ever decide to continue it.

Thanks again! :heart: