[x]

The warrior's call"I saw the breeze of midsummer's bloom;
the leaves aloft, kissing the autumn goodbye;
Like them I embraced my impending doom
wrought in sorrow... tears dropping from the sky..."
The warrior uttered his last words
And embraced his fate - the unheard
demise bound the army; for he was a conscript
embracing his fate, aloft, the autumnal leaves slipped...

amor vincit omnia - read descriptionIn nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti

My dear heart,

Forlorn have I found myself drifting between Scylla and Charybdis, ne'er a comforting pasture on which I may reside myself and my lonely wearisome soul, set adrift onward to the path of no return... I ache inside, so blistered is my plight, dearest, that I am unable to describe this gnawing thorn edging its way through my already ruptured spine - Alas, I am unable to fight it no longer.

Suffice to say my love, you would have out grown me, for I was always in your eyes a cynical old Bard, constantly badgering you with praise o'er your finesse and elegance; alas, my heart, my dear h

The Bloom of Felicity's ColorsThe Bloom of Felicity's Colors

Thine eyes bear witness to the Divine Grace;
entrancing the eyes, oh majesty appraised
of the providence defined, an antediluvian trace
for thine eyes bear witness, the felicity bird's gaze
that skies are adorned in the colors of the divine
the semblance, the elegance, the aesthetic sublime
that blinds those with belief, tears rain down from the sky
as rays of light lighting the peacock's flight
a felicity of ecstasy, harmony, a natural symphony
a rhapsody of articulated destiny doth shine before thee
oh incarnation of Cupid, thine form's a beauty
that becalms my mourning cry, my morning be calmed by ye
For thi

Ocean EyesYour ocean eyes will inherit the earth,
and the gulls of the sea will not brace you
for what the waves and winds have broken down.

The pearls of your mouth are just now washing to shore,
and your endearing reach trusts with ivory naivety,
but your lack of profanity will not save you from perversion.

All I can do is sing you love songs,
and hope the world is still worth saving,
when your ocean eyes reflect the sky, still blue.

The CrossroadsHe stands at a cross roads, an oft remembered place
with perplexed emotions, which road shall he face?
Along Comes a muse, a beauty, a grace
and ends his quandary with a blissful embrace
she takes his hand and guides him her ways
yet this grace is hollow, for he is misplaced
her presence is comfort yet unrest, it stays
so he stands at a cross roads, that oft remembered place

Shadows in the DraperyThey watch and they make their sounds
Their empty sounds without voices – a bark coming round
Emptiness in their faces, a myriad… a web made from laces
These shadows that dance so lucidly their enchanted dance in phases
They call out to their cry a cry to be cried out in vain
But behind their incense is a disgusting malice seeking pain
Disdain…. Such pitiful disdain…
Myriads of shapes, and with shadows forming beyond
The emptiness consuming, the masquerade of confusion
In lands they carry their sounds of woeful tragedy – such hypocrisy
Their temptation to aid and displease is left in vain for the world to se

ForwordI have not become stronger
in the broken places.

Bones ache of age
of misuse
of disuse
and each cracking joint
is an audible reminder
of missteps
of misjudgments
of paths walked too long
and of steps
that should have been,
but were never taken.

Bent fingers jut
from palms of sandpaper,
calloused and crinkled,
they cannot grip
with that same eager desperation
of a child seeking comfort.

Black becomes gray
at the gates
of troubled temples and
dreams,
once saliently sweet,
decay on the tongue
like the sound
of necessary words produced,
but never employed.

I have not become stronger in the broken places

The Haven of Majestic DelightsThe haven of majestic delights
a sanctuary for the weak, hindsight
guiding them betwixt peace and tranquil
solitude - questions cease to exist,
only calming harmony subsists.
The sound of dew drops dripping softly,
Chanting their sweet song so merrily
praising the gift of people who fill
the hearts and mind of those in need, their
cries moaning for someone who would hear
their elegy in the darkness of night -
hoping illumination shines bright
The haven of majestic delights -
a sanctuary for the weak; hindsight
guiding them betwixt peace and tranquil
solitude - questions cease to exist
only calming harmony subsists

The Orchid of SpringThe orchid of spring flowers bloom again
Through thick and thin they grow
Weathering the shimmer of bountiful rain
But whether they last is unknown

The spring flower orchid they blossom with cheer
And gleam their radiant colors
Amidst winds and sunset, they reap without fear
And flush away angelic tears

The orchid of spring flowers,
a tiara worn with pride
By Nature that guarded all the lands,
in humor, with gentle strides

The blossoming flowers of the orchid of spring,
With innocent children falling sway
To listen to the sweet cheer of rustling leaves
And the birds merrily chirping

As the clouds make way for the eye of the Sun
With He

January Verses IIILoneliness was a poignant anchor
Before you became the wind in my sails.

A plethora of pain pulsating through pelagic veins—
Anthems like preambles to post-mortems heavy as whales.

You've made my pyrrhic path free of the poisoned poetry
That haunted like a poltergeist perverting my trails.

You are pleasant as petrichor or poplars
Whispering prehistoric tales.

* * *

Love like a lighthouse called out
To my lethargic limbs.
We're ligaments, we are.
And bliss lingers like perfume smothering doubt.

Loquacious lips ended languor throughout
My life. A lion-heart lividly beats
In lilt laughter. I'll owe you
Until

My six-word-stories"A lot is said... none meant..."

"Love and logic truly don't rhyme..."

"Who said you ever knew me...?

...but you did, didn't you? Why?"

"Writers paint pictures that painters cant"

"Do raindrops, departed, ever meet again?"

"I lived till you loved me"

"Alas, you are my darkness redefined"

My Truth"My life tells of lies,
tales of vows and torn ties.
Of stories having names;
blank pages filling frames"

Forgotten RemainsThere once was a great nation… a nation with a name.

But now they are the…

Forgotten remains;
forgotten they remain.
The memories they hold,
the tears they contain,
are theirs' alone
only theirs to atone.

Their curse

Whimpers gently rise;
tears flow again
for time cruelly denies
salvation from pain.
They seek sleep to happy lies
but such tries are in vain.

Dying but living on;
futile hope too moves on.
They're engraved deep in graves,
poor soulless souls enchained.
Confined and enslaved,
with no happiness saved.
They rot in a gorge
where only sorry reigns.

Their story

Theirs tales shriek through night

Dear RainThese drops from heaven
Falling on me and my brethren
Healing me, calming my mourning cry
These drops from heaven, falling from the abode high

Oh rain falling, please stay
Be my company at least for today
Shine upon me I pray
Leave not this romantist, filled with dismay

Revision 19 March 2013: This is trying to take the same theme of this poem and writing it from a different perspective.

tears of heaven rain on this domain
as my brethren and I am calmed
whilst scars and wounds of a past so profane
Is shed away by Nature's psalm

Lo! Dear Rain, bless your nobility
for your aid, when I needed thee
Subdue me in your sweet embrace
lest I forge

The Asylum Prologue

The ticking clock forces the doctor to look from his routinely magazine and sigh before reaching for his lab coat. He wished not to stand among them yet it was his job at the asylum.

Stood men of colors united in but a draping of blue
in an enclosure with absolutely nothing to do

Of ages to guess, from the infant to old;
caressing their beards or tweaking their toes

They joke, laugh and sing over evils of life
how good men must die while the wicked shall thrive

May Justice prevail, is the sole dream of theirs
but alas they're too trapped in the wicked man's lair

A gust blows

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More from ~shehrozeameen

Perspective - 100 wordsJust take yourself as sitting in an orchestra coliseum – It's a mammoth structure and the circular form gives a resonant acoustic from whichever angle is taken. And in it, think you are in the center of the seating arrangement – RIGHT in front of the stage but afar to see who is on it. You see a woman – a beautiful woman dressed in white and enshrouded in a covering of silk; and she tries to stare at you… behind her is a piano solo of "Maybe I, Maybe You" with the voice booming out of with energy… and you don't care.

I Awoke from a DreamI awoke from a dream, a dream that awoke me
I dreamt a sad dream, a dream from saddening heights
I only felt melancholy and sadness, as I saw the child cry
I yearned to aid him, but I awoke from the dream, nigh
I awoke from a dream, in a tomb made from alabaster
And granite and chalk, from marble made plastered in charcoal
I saw, alas, a dreadful sight, a mausoleum for a caring soul
But before I could aid its sole inhabitant, I awoke from the dream, crying
I awoke from a dream, a dream of the sad boy
His white dress of purity, an immaculate design
His face I did not see, though his voice was pure, mind;
I wished so much to end his stupor, but alas I awoke from the dream, crying
I awoke from the dream, in tears of harmful crying;
of wanting to become the sad boy, letting his tears be mine
To be the whiteness purity; to be his inner peace (ah, what security)
Alas, before I could be his happiness assuredly, I awoke from the dream
I awoke from the dream, a dream I dream to atone;
that chil

The Calling

A new dawn; the awakening from slumber;
The calling heard, hark to the titans sleeping under
The terrace of the palace of Gaea, breathing, crumbled;
Arise! Awaken to this call, thou hast commanded;
Sanctity be praised, steadfastness from a grim array
Of the power and its ode, chanting the might tune "I pray;
I pray to the destruction of the forces aligning in vain;
Feasting on a blind avarice; I pray, I pray, I pray for them this day;
Awaken the colossi sédecim (sixteen colossi), their time has come;
This, the day, of reckoning that was meant to be"
Such was the call of the warriors, awashed in altruism against Dormin
The judg

my Inner SanctumSatisfaction knowing that my sanctuary is intact
The relief of my friends and their warmth my comfort zone
From the evil vindication of a deplorable incarnate
Or a peril of catastrophic proportions that hides in wait, pouncing at the right moment!
Alas, I am without any sense or imagination
Who I am, and what I stand for, is because of my inner sanctum
Purity of form and grace, a web constructed from lace
The mask in which I hide, a shadow over my crying face
My woe and sorrow my comfort can comprehend
My voice depressed is made joyful again
Without any heavy labor, I am awoken, my stupor is bent
And its influence is made to end
T

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Submitted: July 9, 2012
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Melancholic Tendencies

by ~shehrozeameen, Jul 9, 2012, 6:48:56 PM
Literature / Poetry / Human Nature / Free Verse

As she danced away to the fine symphony
She felt nothing but an enchanting ecstasy

Her connective rhythm, her fire breath majesty
A deified sight for the broken heart to see

As she held her stride and moved to and fro
Her heart filled with joy, her mind free of woe

Her grace as she laughed; her happiness so pristine
Her being held sway, no words could define

She moved and moved, her smile more pure
As she danced in the darkness, a divine allure

As the circle drew near, she made a cheerful sound,
An operatic discourse, vibrations spreading round

As she danced and sang, the court was reborn
As ghosts danced to the music, of a satisfied voice borne

Through sorrow and sadness; such hopeless melancholy
Brightness from the moonlight, shining in harmony

A wizard's dream, such a brilliant display;
The dancer in her sonnet, with lost souls who sailed away

While she didn't care, as she flowed with her song
Her lost partner in her arms, her grip held strong

In his eyes she looked, seeing what she wanted to see
Pure untouched love, for that was all she knew

As she moved and moved, to the centre of the dream
She sang with pure ecstasy, her heart filled with gleam

They kept moving and moving, but then it stopped

The two lovers moved gently, eyes locked

As she moved closer and closer, her eyes closing

As she moved closer, her mind was slowly numbed

But she could not feel him, for he became a mist

She opened her eyes, greeted by a dire abyss

A saddened height she had crossed, for he did not exist

A ghost in the shadows she danced with, December night bliss

She fell to her knees, and cried all in vain;
For her loneliness, her emptiness, her desperate pain

As she danced away to the divine symphony,
She felt nothing but an enchanting ecstasy

But she was lonely now, an orphan;
Left by the world to weep in misery

----------------------------------------------------------

Revision 12 April 2013

This poem was given a revision after the advice provided by Sammur-Amat. It has been proof read by star-blazer. Cheers, and happy reading.

In his arms I feel a melancholic tendency
The world is a haze that glistens from afar
As we dance away to a divine symphony

Nothing else matters under the moonlight
As it lights up this hall hiding old scars
In his arms I feel a melancholic tendency

As we waltzed in the hall indifferently
Our steps like the orbits of dying stars
As we dance away to a divine symphony

I see in his smile, as graceful as ebony
Carved with perfection to appease a czar
In his arms I feel a melancholic tendency

I slowly step forward, wishing so tenderly
To rise up to the heavens like a morningstar
As we dance away to a divine symphony

Alas, my love, such is not meant to be
For he is a ghost, and I... a lonely Ishtar
In his arms I feel a melancholic tendency
As we dance away to a divine symphony

Melancholic Tendenciesby ~shehrozeameen

Literature / Poetry / Human Nature / Free Verse

Another melancholic poem

update 15th April 2013: [link] - selection as Lit Daily Pick for March 2013 by =star-blazer

informing of the news

Critique by ~DannyMechanist Feb 22, 2013, 1:27:10 AM

*crack* long pent up critique huh?

well let's see ... I really like how the poem is both concrete and graphic two qualities I too strive to achieve in my works ... and may I say that *shehrozeameen never ceases to amuse as well as amaze me ... a very very well written work and I do find THIS revised rendition a fair improvement ... I really liked this one couplet a lot
"In his eyes she looked, seeing what she wanted to see
Pure untouched love, for that was all she knew "

so keep up the work really look forward to see more good stuff...

What do you think?

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Critique by `vespera Feb 21, 2013, 10:16:08 AM

As you have requested a critique, here I am!

I hope you'll find this helpful!

First, I'm going to go over they rhyming. You had me up until you tried to rhyme "pristine" with "define" and then, while the slant rhyme between symphony/ecstasy/majesty is nice, it seems off since the rest of your rhymes are "normal" rhymes. Also, I don't understand why "closing" is not rhymed with anything?

And this?
In his eyes she looked, seeing what she wanted to see
Pure untouched love, for that was all she knew

While this works with your last couplet, the change punctuates it, I feel that having the same "nonrhyming" above detracts from that last punch. Lastly, "pain" and "vain" I feel like I've felt a bunch of times.

Rhymes that really worked for me:

Her connective rhythm, her fire breath majesty
A deified sight for the broken heart to see

She moved and moved, her smile more pure
As she danced in the darkness, a divine allure

They kept moving and moving, but then it stopped
The two lovers moved gently, eyes locked

All of these also had great rhythm.

As far as the story line goes, other than the title, I had no hint that there was any melancholy in this until the 8th couplet, which seemed to really contradict the title. "her heart filled with joy, her mind free of woe" - why does the court get reborn? There doesn't seem to be any explanation for this.

Just a side thought - I don't see any clear rhyme or reason for your semicolons (which I love, btw, they're my favorite) and there are several places that are technically comma splices where they were not used.

What do you think?

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=star-blazer Apr 11, 2013 Professional Writer

Absolutely beautiful!

I really loved the revisions on their own, but seeing them alongside the original I think makes me love them more. You really improved this piece a lot and made everything smoother and tighter. Definitely one of my favourites from you

~shehrozeameen Apr 11, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

always happy to oblige, my good sir!

Glad to know you like it!

~NotenSMSK Mar 23, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Okay... first of all... I hadn't read this work until now. Strange but that is me. And I just realize... it is almost like a reply to (or the original to a reply of) "Waltzing his last Dance". That somewhat leaves me a bit astounded although the fact that you failed to mention this (I hope I am not forgetting if you did manage to mention) does annoy and disappoint me - it is something quite prominent. Now... I will wait till you revamp it on basis of =Sammur-amat's comment and then add my own. At the moment, it is really good but can be improved.

~shehrozeameen Mar 23, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

I will do so (using =Sammur-amat's critique).

I didn't notice that (and well, our conversation about it was an interesting retrospect).

Hopefully will work on this work as soon as I can manage. cheers.

~NotenSMSK Mar 24, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Yes, I do realize that you didn't notice that at the least.

Hopefully.

~shehrozeameen Mar 24, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

shit happens.

~NotenSMSK Mar 24, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Oh I meant it in the most... normal tone

I guess you took that seriously

~shehrozeameen Mar 24, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

nah, I just said it. Shit happens

=Sammur-amat Mar 12, 2013 General Artist

hello there, dolly! I'm finally here for critiquing after almost an eon!

please bear in mind that my critique is merely a reflection of the little i understand of poetry and prose. i will try to be as objective(?) as possible and so i hope you will not hate me if at any time i sound harsh because that's not what i intend to come off as at all. please feel free to either follow through with a few of the the suggestions or ignore them all completely if they do not come to par.

As she danced away to the fine symphony
She felt nothing but an enchanting ecstasy

Her connective rhythm, her fire breath majesty
A deified sight for the broken heart to see

As she held her stride and moved to and fro
Her heart filled with joy, her mind free of woe

good usage of basic rhyming, dear friend,
the theme though i'm still shaky on, especially
the second couplet sounds out of place to me.

Her grace as she laughed; her happiness so pristine
Her being held sway, no words could define

why a sudden switch to slant rhyme? maybe you can edit this couplet
to make conform with the rest of the piece?

She moved and moved, her smile more pure
As she danced in the darkness, a divine allure

As the circle drew near, she made a cheerful sound,
An operatic discourse, vibrations spreading round

all very pretty words, and maybe i'm just slow but i still can't connect the dots
as to what you are trying to convey with these words?

As she danced and sang, the court was reborn
As ghosts danced to the music, of a satisfied voice borne

the above couplet i'm not too keen on either, what with both end words stemming
from the same root word, although true to rhyme scheme, i'm sure you can find
a better alternative what with your wonderful vocabulary, sugar

Through sorrow and sadness; such hopeless melancholy
Brightness from the moonlight, shining in harmony

A wizard's dream, such a brilliant display;
The dancer in her sonnet, with lost souls who sailed away

this above couplet is prolly my most favorite throughout the entire poem
it sounds so very wispy and dreamy and pleasing to the senses
if i may just suggest a bit more trimming for it to read something like:

Borne of sorrow and sadness is hopeless melancholy
With brightness from moonlight, shining in harmony

This world is a wizard's dream, a brilliant display;
A dancer in her sonnet, with lost souls sailing away

what do you think?

While she didn't care, as she flowed with her song
Her lost partner in her arms, her grip held strong

In his eyes she looked, seeing what she wanted to see
Pure untouched love, for that was all she knew

i'm lost with why there's a sudden "he" injected making these
two couplets feel mechanic instead of organic
maybe the "he" should be mentioned somewhere in the beginning, too?

As she moved and moved, to the centre of the dream
She sang with pure ecstasy, her heart filled with gleam

her heart filled with gleam? kind of uncomfortable, maybe?

They kept moving and moving, but then it stopped

The two lovers moved gently, eyes locked

how about pimping this up a bit to be read as:

They kept moving and moving, until it all stopped

The two lovers swayed gently, with eyes locked

yes? no? thoughts?

As she moved closer and closer, her eyes closing

As she moved closer, her mind was slowly numbed

But she could not feel him, for he became a mist

She opened her eyes, greeted by a dire abyss

A saddened height she had crossed, for he did not exist

A ghost in the shadows she danced with, December night bliss

again i know you can reword this into something special, dear friend

She fell to her knees, and cried all in vain;
For her loneliness, her emptiness, her desperate pain

As she danced away to the divine symphony,
She felt nothing but an enchanting ecstasy

i really liked the above mentioned 2 couplets
as they pull me deeper into her emotions

But she was lonely now, an orphan;
Left by the world to weep in misery

i highly recommend you stick to a singular rhyme scheme the whole way
through, otherwise a powerful ending, sugar.

~shehrozeameen Mar 12, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

*puts comment in save folder* definitely useful. Thanks. Honestly.

I'll get back to this work, and use the advice you've given here. Thanks. Honestly.

Cheers.

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