The Thin Line
I found this poem's theme very subtle but deadening.
its a well balanced work. In that its technique is well handled, so I gave you marks there.
Because its a general poem, one has to view this poem with caution: taken at face value, its basically a man crying out his final confessions before he lets his spirit fly; but taken subtly its about loss, sorrow, and a demented sense of sacrifice.
Which is where I must emphasize that its a general poem: it can be taken sarcastically (like Pink from Pink Floyd's "The Wall" album) or taken in a state of melancholia.
Its not abstract, though; its just a poem with a vague idea about walking the thin line (aka forsaking one's self or choosing to do so).
Not exactly your best poem, but certainly not your worst either; its a food for thought - its inspiration for other poems to follow.
Thank you for the awesome critique! I totally understand what you mean. I meant for it to come across more subtly than my other poems, so I'm glad that you caught the less obvious line of thought (very few... if any, have noticed it so far). I understand what you meant when you said that could come across a little like Pink by Pink Floyd (I've had that song for a while and just listened to it for the first now). I'm glad that it came across as balanced since (as you know) that was the main thing I was trying to achieve in how I wrote this. I must say that this poem is out of my comfort zone which is why I was anxious to find out how well it turned out (so far it has done ok... not as good as I was hoping for, not bad though). I agree that it is not my best and I certainly agree that it is not my worst (I've written so many dogs!!).
I think, on the back of this poem, that I will stick to free-form, something I'm far more comfortable with.
Thanks again, and have a wonderful day!
You're a versatile writer, just keep at it. Building a niche for a particular genre is constricting in my opinion.
Although, in my opinion, your openness makes you more worthwhile for readers. This is good stuff.
Yeah, I was reading the critique provided by ~ALeigh, and some of the comments... man, its a mixed bag... lol...
Good to know Take care.