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This is before I write my critique - and the most honest statement that I can ever make about any work that I have read so far:

Holy... Mother... of... Fuck...

NOW, onward to the critique:

Your vision on this work was spot on; to such an extent that I am disappointed that you didn't put this on #ScreamPrompts; THIS is what a good story is made of.

And honestly, the film noir approach was perfect - the lack of a name for the protagonist, with the porter simply known as porter, and the victim known just that... it has a universality to it. That's a rarity here on dA, and the only other works that I've read which come close to such a perfection can quite literally be counted on my fingertips.

Your technique - its grammatically correct, but its approach was what kicked perfectly. I was honestly breathing heavily after I finished reading this, and right now, I am in an indescribable state of horror and awe - the former was the purpose of this story, and the latter because I did not once think that I'd be reading something THIS good which did NOT come into #ScreamPrompts.

That bias is what made me write the initial four words in ellipses - this work was really really good. Believe me, on that. Its universal, and it is a truth that we have to accept - put to perfection.

BUT you did an injustice by not putting it in scream-prompts. A part of me wants to cut marks for that, but then I decided "why should your work suffer? You put in so much effort to it, it deserves to be treated like a work worth reading and worth thinking about." and it is worth thinking about.

On a side note, relax, and cheer up; you have a really good chance of getting into scream-prompt. Don't try harder - believe a little more.

Regards, the critic.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
8 out of 8 deviants thought this was fair.


laurotica Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013   Writer
Thank you very much for taking the time to write this wonderful critique! I really do appreciate it whenever anyone goes the extra mile by doing this instead of going to the comments. :)

I suppose my only excuse for not sending this to the group was having joined right before the prompt was released. I think I needed this critique, though, for future prompts. I'm always my worst critic.

Thank you again! :dance:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your most welcome.

... I did that too, and my first submission was a failure... I sent it again, and that time it paid off... look, sometimes the prompt can go in your favor, other times it cannot; it isn't the prompt, its you, that matters in scream-prompt.

And this was a very honest you writing. Which is why its good - If I had the option, I'd write multiple reviews, each one better than the previous, only because this work shows that... you have talent, and its very strongly rooted towards your desire.

It could be anything, really. Here on dA, though, it could be anything artistic. You've done good with this work, so carry it forward.

Do go through some old scream-prompt prompts, and try thinking about them. When it clicks, write it.

You can deliver, for scream-prompt, try keeping this one piece of advice in mind: use this as a template, and work out on various themes; best theme will be the one with the most vision.

Because when the vision is clear, the technique used has been well executed.

You can do that - I'm confident you can :)
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